


The Sound A Broken Heart Makes

by PaladinPrince



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: And you won't get any spoilers but should be able to understand, M/M, Nothing too huge or descriptive but it's there, Or even the 1999 anime, Slight mention of Attempted Suicide, Slight mention of Suicidal desires, The 'Major Character Death' is implied, The second chapter is more the same story but written from a different perspective, You should be able to read this without having finished the 2011 anime or the manga, you'll understand when you read it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-07 04:53:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11616285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaladinPrince/pseuds/PaladinPrince
Summary: Killua is happy with Kurapika at his side. The young assassin is sure that the blond will never leave him. It's on a day like any other day when Killua's heart breaks. A simple trip to gather supplies for an evening at home with his lover reveals a truth that Killua has a hard time believing.





	1. Sad Song

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time actually putting one of my works on this site that wasn't something I co-wrote with another person. I hope you all enjoy it!
> 
> It should be noted that while a lot of people seem to go by the name 'Nanika' for her I've gone with the translation of 'Something' considering I watched the 2011 Anime with subtitles where that's what she was called. Before writing this I didn't know of her other name of Nanika. 
> 
> This two-shot story is two separate songfics. The name of the song that they are based off of will be the title of the chapter. This first chapter uses the song 'Sad Song' by 'We The Kings'. While it's not necessary to as the lyrics of the song are written in the story itself I recommend listening to the song as you read if you're able to.

_You and I,_  
_We're like fireworks and symphonies exploding in the sky._  
_With you, I'm alive_  
_Like all the missing pieces of my heart, they finally collide._  
_So stop time right here in the moonlight,_  
_Cause I don't ever wanna close my eyes._

It seemed like a normal day, something that heralded the beginning of nothing special happening at all. That should have been the first clue thinking back on it all, but it hadn't occurred to anyone that anything would be different about today. Especially not to a young male that was going through the market. The white haired male had promised his lover that he'd not be long, that by the time the blonde had gotten home from his meeting that they'd spend the rest of the day on the couch watching their favorite movies and just spending time together.

  
The idea brought a little sparkle to his eyes as he went about his errands, feeling warm and happier than he had years ago. This was something he'd gotten used to. It was nice, simple, yet so perfect all the same. He'd had no idea that life could be so sweet, that just something simple as a person could make everything better. That one person could make him feel alive, like he was dreaming with his eyes wide open.

_Without you, I feel broke._  
_Like I'm half of a whole._  
_Without you, I've got no hand to hold._  
_Without you, I feel torn._  
_Like a sail in a storm._  
_Without you, I'm just a sad song._  
_I'm just a sad song._

A large amount of static suddenly erupted above them and eyes lifted up to the sound, staring in confusion at the video message that seemed to be trying to get through. At first, it seemed like nothing would manage. After a little while however it was revealed to be a newscast. It spoke of an accident, of destruction, and of death. The death of a young man in particular with calming brown eyes and blonde hair seemed to ring out the worst. Especially as the attention was caught of a couple people closest to one young man with startling white hair that had dropped everything that was being held.

  
The white haired man, Killua, thought he could handle anything. He'd seen death. He'd experienced loss. He'd helped his best friend, Gon, through his own rough times, even with the sting of the words that had been said and forgiven easily. He'd even experienced the feeling of pain when he had finally discovered the truth behind Gotoh, his trusted butler. He'd been through this and made it out without too much of an issue. .... He really should have known better he realized now as he stared up at the screen that so casually spoke of the death of the one person that he'd thought would never leave. The one person that he'd always believed that could take care of himself, and even if the blonde wasn't as strong as some others he'd always believed that he himself could keep him safe.

  
All the warmth from the day that he'd felt earlier, the calming idea of their plans suddenly felt like distant memories and daydreams. He felt cold, broken, and suddenly more alone than he'd felt in so long that he couldn't even remember for sure how long it had been.

_With you I fall._   
_It's like I'm leaving all my past in silhouettes up on the wall._   
_With you I'm a beautiful mess._   
_It's like we're standing hand in hand with all our fears up on the edge._   
_So stop time right here in the moonlight,_   
_Cause I don't ever wanna close my eyes._

The News Reporter had continued her story, but Killua had stopped paying attention by this point. He'd realized that this was just the 'public' story. This couldn't be true.... not for Kurapika's capabilities. He felt numb as he slowly picked everything up, and somewhere deep down he supposed he was still in shock. It hadn't quite sunk in yet as he finished his errands and headed back to their home. By the time he'd returned, his eyes were back to normal and his mind was thinking. That was just a ruse right? No way that would ever happen to Kurapika. The blonde had always promised him that they'd stay by each other's side. Kurapika didn't _break_ promises!

  
He went about his normal work, finding himself calm now that he'd figured it out. He'd track down who started the lie later and make sure that it was stopped. No problem whatsoever. He didn't make the tea quite yet, knowing that Kurapika preferred it fresh. He did get the cups ready for the both of them though, and he picked out the first movie they'd watch deciding that he'd let Kurapika pick the next one. It was just easier for him to pick the first one unless Kurapika had one in mind the moment he'd walked in. He prepared the treats that they liked and got everything ready, waiting on the couch afterwards as he allowed his mind to drift.

  
He thought back to meeting Kurapika and the others, thought of everything that they'd gone through. Sure... it had been hard but look where they'd gotten now? Hours passed as the memories of past regrets flitted past without so much as a twitch from Killua now, feelings of Kurapika close and caring for him even with those mistakes keeping those regrets locked up and away. He'd forgiven himself... because Kurapika and the others had forgiven him.

  
He didn't know how much time had passed when he heard the sound of footsteps outside. He perked, jumping up off the couch and moving quickly to the door, noting the way the moon was high in the sky to show how late it really was. Killua didn't seem to care as he swung the door open before the visitor would have had time to attempt and open it. "You're la-....."

_Without you, I feel broke._   
_Like I'm half of a whole._   
_Without you, I've got no hand to hold._   
_Without you, I feel torn._   
_Like a sail in a storm._   
_Without you, I'm just a sad song._

The white haired male paused, sentence stopped mid thought as he gazed at the male in front of him. In fact.. it wasn't just one person but.... three..? None of them were who he'd thought it was either. ".... Gon...? Alluka...? I thought the two of you were having a sleepover at Gon's place.... Leorio...? What are you guys even doing here..?" The three in front of him had stated that they would stay out of their hair, let them have the night to themselves because of how long it had been since they'd been able to. Why were they here...? Gon's face turned sympathetic, Alluka looked near tears and Leorio looked like he'd just watched someone put down his dog.

  
Before anyone else could say anything, Alluka had thrown herself at Killua, the young assassin catching her on pure instinct. "Brother!!" Her voice was full of pain and agony, but it was obviously not for herself with how tight she was holding onto him. It was... for him..? What was even going on...? Why would she..? It seemed Gon had recovered the fastest out of the two left as he scratched the back of his neck. "... I didn't think you'd have gotten past the denial stage yet... but Alluka refused to wait any longer. Killua.... We're here for you you know." Killua's eyes kept switching between the three of them, confusion dominant in his emotions. Alluka had burst into tears by this point, soaking Killua's shirt as she just held him tighter at Gon's explanation, and Leorio seemed unable to figure out what to say to add to Gon's statement. It was the words muffled by his shirt and Alluka's tears that caught his attention next. "W-We're sorry! We tried! Really we did! Something and I we... we tried everything we could think of!"

  
"What are you...?" He couldn't bring himself to continue when she looked up, her eyes were puffy and red from crying. Red eyes..... his heart immediately ached again as he glanced up almost cautiously, now seeming to look for someone else that should be here by now subconsciously. It clicked finally.... and with everyone else that knew him well here too... he knew now that while the Reporter likely didn't have the right story.... they wouldn't be here if Kurapika.... Tears slowly filled his eyes now before slowly trailing down his cheeks. His hands gripped a bit tighter at Alluka's shoulders where he'd caught her, but thankfully he was mindful enough of his strength not to hurt her. "..I'm sorry.." Leorio's first words since he'd arrived, and they seemed to only cement the conclusion that he'd managed to come to. Already Killua's heart felt as if it had been torn in half as he stood there, only still standing because Alluka was already supporting him. He was glad when Gon seemed to take charge, carefully helping Alluka to support him as they walked him inside. Killua's heart wasn't in it as he let them lead him to the couch where his gaze took in his preparations for the night.... The night that wasn't coming anymore. He curled in on himself once he felt the couch beneath him, a hand immediately a comforting presence on his back, though who it belonged to he couldn't tell right now.

_You're the perfect melody,_   
_The only harmony_   
_I wanna hear._   
_You're my favorite part of me,_   
_With you standing next to me,_   
_I've got nothing to fear._

Slowly, the hand began to caress his back, rubbing soothing circles into the muscle. Like... like he would have done. If he'd closed his eyes, he could almost forget that it wasn't the blonde... but no. That didn't feel right. He kept his eyes open, not wanting them to close... not wanting to feel the darkness that hid behind the lid of his eyes that he knew wouldn't be greeted by that presence any longer. He didn't even know what triggered it... not really. Normally it would have been comforting but now... "Maybe we could watch something together brother??" Alluka's voice suddenly seemed to shatter the harmony of the home, something that Killua had never experienced before as he suddenly jumped up with angry tears in his eyes.

  
"No! This isn't right!" He growled, his eyes holding the pain and fury he was feeling. He all but slapped the hand away from him. It had been Alluka's. Alluka looked suddenly afraid, having never seen her brother so furious before, especially not because of something _she_ had said. "What does it matter what we do!? It won't change this! It won't bring back what is lost. It won't bring _him_ back!!" He glared at everyone yet no-one in the room all at once before he looked down. Gon knew that look, he knew that look all too well. Before even Killua could fully put the thought into motion Gon was on top of him, his hands pinned to the sides of Killua's head as the two boys struggled. Alluka had jumped up from the couch, Leorio carefully holding her close and trying to comfort her the best way he could. Gon and Killua rolled and tumbled a bit, Killua screaming out his rage both at the situation and now at Gon who was stopping him. When they had finally settled again, Killua panting heavily and completely out of breath the offending action was clear to everyone in the room. Killua's claws were out, dipped a bit in blood trailing from the wound that ran from the middle of his chest and up to the side of his neck where his claws had dragged away from their intended mark.

  
Killua roared out again, though this time the sound was anguished too. "You don't understand! Let go of me!"

  
"No! I won't Killua! You know why!"

"Just let go!"

"Kurapika wouldn't have wanted this Killua! You know that! He wouldn't have wanted you to take your own life! Stop this! Are you really going to leave the rest of us behind? Me? Alluka? Something!? Do you really think that's what Kurapika would have wanted!? "

_Without you, I feel broke._   
_Like I'm half of a whole._   
_Without you, I've got no hand to hold._   
_Without you, I feel torn._   
_Like a sail in a storm._   
_Without you, I'm just a sad song._

Another cry of anger and pain as Killua struggled again, managing to throw Gon off of him and glaring at the boy. "... How would you know what he would have wanted!?"

  
"...Killua.... it's okay. I understand.. we'll get through this. He was my friend too you know."

  
Killua's eyes narrowed, darkening slightly as he growled. ".... How in the hell would you have understood...? I loved him Gon! You can't understand what it feels like to lose someone so close to you! How could you ev-" He never got to finish his sentence as his face suddenly was going to the side, his cheek stinging harshly as a very red hand print appeared along with the sting. Alluka had slapped him. "Don't talk to Gon like that! Don't you remember?"

  
".... It's okay Alluka. I understand... more than he realizes right now." Killua's heart ached and tears welled in his eyes again. Had he really.... ? Before he could do anything else, he crumpled in on himself again, the claws gone as he just tried to hold himself as close as he could. His heart hurt... everything _hurt_.. and he didn't know how to stop it. Alluka had already forgiven her brother, immediately at his side and rubbing his back as he sobbed into the cushion. Gon, understanding as he always had, picked a completely different movie than he knew the two of them would have watched tonight. Something that hopefully wouldn't remind his friend of his loss.

  
Gon and Alluka refused to leave Killua's side for quite some time. They weren't sure how he'd handle being alone after all this time, and even when he went into the bathroom he wasn't left completely alone in case he tried something there. Killua knew why, and he knew he'd appreciate it more later... but right now he just wished they'd give him some privacy. It was strange... being without him like this. His heart felt like he should have been doing something... he should have been following the other wherever he'd gone. Even into death... he'd promised he would always follow Kurapika hadn't he..? Yet... he supposed Gon was right. Kurapika _wouldn't_ have wanted that. The prospect of living so much time without him though... it just made him feel cold.

_Without you, I feel broke._   
_Like I'm half of a whole._   
_Without you, I've got no hand to hold._   
_Without you, I feel torn._   
_Like a sail in a storm._   
_Without you, I'm just a sad song._   
_I'm just a sad song._

Deciding he needed to just get out and about, get his mind off things, he made a point of accepting a mission from the Hunter Association. Just a simple one... chasing after a man and bringing him to justice. He'd even managed to convince Gon that it would be dangerous if the two of them both went because someone had to protect Alluka. Course... Gon had only agreed when Killua had made sure to promise him that he wouldn't do anything stupid or outside of the mission itself. Killua understood.... but even with that small 'leash' he felt free for the first time in a bit. It didn't take long at all the mission, finding the guy and cornering him. His eyes narrowed as he automatically moved to go in for the kill, his hands claws at the guy's throat before he stopped for a second. He was supposed to bring the guy in alive.... it was just a threat to get him to stop.... right..? His eyes softened a bit without realizing, his heart aching. He realized what had happened. He'd wondered... if he killed this man... if he killed so many people... would they return Kurapika to him...? No..... it wouldn't bring him back... and it would just make him sad to see how he'd fallen. He soon knocked the man out to keep him from screeching in his ears and carried him to the authorities he was meant to.

  
It was on his way home that he saw a couple, holding hands and laughing, and Killua's own hand twitched at the lack of contact. Never thought he'd miss that small gesture. It seemed... everywhere he looked there was a couple. Some young, some old, some opposite genders and some the same. It didn't matter though, they all seemed happy.... and it just made Killua's heart clench tighter each time he did so. What he wouldn't have given... for just one more moment, to hold Kurapika's hand tightly and never let go. How long had it been since he'd told Kurapika he loved him...?? Actually _said_ such to him...? Now... now he'd never have the chance to do so again. He'd never have the chance to whisper to him, to tell him of all that he'd wanted. He thought he had all the time in the world, and didn't feel the need to say such.... now all he had left was memories and so many regrets. So many wishes of how things could have been..

  
Biting his lip, he quickly bolted from the path home and retreated. Where he was retreating to, he wasn't sure. He just knew that he needed to get _away_ from here, away from all the loving couples. Away from the reminder of what he'd once had. When he finally stopped running, he'd found himself on that hill. The same hill that the two of them had had their first date after Kurapika's goals. His eyes immediately filled with tears as he almost cautiously climbed it, soon standing on the top and looking around. Everything looked the same as that night when he'd prepared for their approach... just as calm and serene. He couldn't help it as he felt himself fall to the hill, curling in on himself and bursting into tears. His heart felt like it was shattering, tearing in half as his hands clenched at the grass and at his chest. He didn't realize as he tried to find some kind of comfort in the grass, in the very nature that Kurapika loved, that he was all but nuzzling into the surface, allowing the scent to fill his thoughts. He missed him.... it finally hit that no matter what he did, no matter what he tried... he'd never see Kurapika's smile. His heart lurched again, another few tears sliding from his cheeks at the sudden realization. As beautiful as his eyes were, as talented as Kurapika was at everything he tried..... it was his _smile_ that Killua was going to miss the most. The way his lips would curve at the corner as he tried to fight the grin when Killua did something stupid that he was _supposed_ to be fed up with. He buried his face again, trying to get rid of the tears that collected on his cheeks again as his body curled up again.

  
It was in that moment that he froze, feeling something that wasn't nature brush against his fingers, something that put him on edge for that brief second before he carefully grasped it in his hand. Carefully, almost hesitantly, he looked up and pulled whatever he held close to him to look at. He almost wished he hadn't. There, in his hands, was that same tie that Kurapika had lost that night... the one that had fallen but they hadn't searched for. It was weather worn from all that time, but Killua would recognize it anywhere. His heart lurched even more as he pulled it close to his chest, crying out his pain to the earth around him that seemed to listen and grieve with him. It was hours later, how many for sure Killua had lost track of, that he finally dragged his body up and headed home, that tie clenched tight in his hand and held close to his chest and an almost dead look in his eyes. Alluka and Gon all but jumped him when he got to the door of course, but Killua barely noticed as they fussed over him. Let them fuss, let them do as they wished. At this moment... he couldn't bring himself to argue. Couldn't even bring himself to care. Just so long as they didn't try and take the tie from him.

  
Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months, and Killua was still grieving. Gon and Alluka had given him a bit more freedom, and Leorio and the others continued to check up on him almost religiously, but Killua still felt the pain. Would it ever leave...? He didn't think so. He'd taken to keeping that tie with him at all times. He didn't wear it around his neck like normally done, it was too formal for him to do it that way. However, it would often be seen around his wrist, or around his shoulder. Sometimes around his neck but like one would tie a scarf. There were even times it was seen tied around his forehead like a bandana, and anyone that commented on it would get the same response with some exceptions. He'd just stare at them, sometimes a glare if they dared to insult it, before he'd turn away and refuse to speak about it. The only ones that could get a normal response out of him about it were Gon, Alluka, and Leorio... and even then it was mostly just to tell them that he wouldn't be removing it. He wasn't sure how long it had been since that day, the day that his entire world had been turned upside down.... it seemed like forever ago... but he supposed it probably had only been 5 months at the most.

  
Currently, he was wearing the tie on his wrist, glancing down at it brought a small, sad smile to his lips. Gon, Alluka, and Leorio had all managed to talk him into going out and enjoying the sunny day. "It's too perfect to stay inside!" Gon had said. Alluka had immediately agreed and turned to Killua with a sad look that said even Something was hurting. Leorio had piped in, having been checking up on Killua at the time. "It'll be good for you Killua." With that combination, Killua just hadn't had the heart to tell them no. He knew that they'd been staying close to him, hadn't been having as much fun because they were worried about him... the least he could do was go out with them so that they didn't waste what even Killua could tell was a nice day. Every day had seemed gloomy to him lately but, he supposed that was just the mood he'd found himself in. He hadn't even had it in him to _pretend_ that he was doing well as of late. They'd all planned a picnic, though thankfully it wasn't in the spot that he'd taken Kurapika. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to go back there again quite yet. They were acting as if nothing was up, but even as he was Killua's training allowed him to see that they were glancing at him every now and then. He'd noticed that Leorio had been acting strange too... for quite some time now actually. Killua just didn't have it in him to care currently. Gon and Alluka argued, playfully Killua noted, as to where the best spot to put the blanket was. It didn't take long for them to come to an agreement and place it close to a small stream underneath the trees for shade. Everything was being set up and Killua was being encouraged to sit down and just relax in the spot closest to the stream. Another sad smile. Killua had often sat there to allow his fingers to run through the water when they all came out for these gatherings

  
Everything was soon going normally. The birds and other animals of the forest sang their songs, the wind was rustling through the trees, and the stream was babbling away as if to try and compete with Gon and Alluka's own excited chatter. Leorio sat watching them, stepping in as usual when they got out of hand much to Gon and Alluka's immediate giggling as they'd tackle him. Everything was the same.... even without.... Killua's heart immediately clenched again, but he supposed the pain wasn't quite as sharp this time. Soon however, something new came into the arrangement. Leorio's phone went off. Curious... normally Leorio would shut that off during their outings. Had he forgot...? No... he didn't forget about that kind of thing, so he must have been expecting an important call. Just as Killua was about to comment, Leorio stood up. "Sorry guys, have to take this one. I'll be back in a few minutes!" He left before they could say anything, and now the silence that took over almost seemed to be trying to swallow Killua. Gon and Alluka were at his side before anything could get too bad however, cuddling in close to him. He supposed they'd gotten a lot better at reading his silent moods, and the three of them just sat there for a bit.

Leorio was taking alot longer then Killua had expected him to, but he didn't say anything as he closed his eyes to listen to the sounds around them, his heart still thumping painfully now and then in his chest. Perhaps it was because of this, or maybe because of just how careful they usually were about hiding any sudden movements from him lately he never would be sure, he noticed when the two of them went stiff for a moment. Yet, it was different. It didn't seem to be out of fear, or anger, but... surprise..? It even seemed to get lighter. Perhaps Leorio had planned something without telling them. That had to be it he decided as he opened his eyes just slightly to glance down at the tie around his wrist again. The sound of footsteps was heard as he sat there gazing, and if he'd been alone he might have been paying enough attention to notice something different about Leorio's strides. It didn't take long however for Killua to find himself freezing up as well.

  
"... Hello Killua. I've missed you." A gentle voice, one that sent shudders through him automatically as his head all but shot up. Tears sprung to his eyes for a moment as his blue eyes met with a calming brown.

  
"... Kurapika...." That small smile he'd missed so dearly was his reward.


	2. Gunslinger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurapika's side of the first chapter. Why did everyone believe Kurapika was dead?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This songfic is made with the song 'Gunslinger' by 'Avenged Sevenfold'. Again, I suggest listening to the song as you read, but as the lyrics are in the story it is not necessary to understand.

 

 

_Yeah, you've been alone_  
_I've been gone for far too long_  
_But with all that we've been through_  
_After all this time I'm coming home to you_

Silence fell in the room after the slight announcement. "It needs to be done. The pieces have already been set into motion." The words seemed to ring through the room. "Why can't they know!?" A new voice roared in anger, a fist slamming against the table. "This is going to kill them and you damn well know it!" Again, there was silence. "Everyone needs to believe the story. Can you honestly tell me if they knew, that it wouldn't get out before the mission was done...?" Again, silence followed. No-one could argue that, not even the blond that had been silent up to this point, trying to think a way out of this, a way that this wouldn't be so painful for all parties involved. He couldn't think of one... and he _hated_ that he couldn't. His silence was taken as acceptance. "You start tonight. For what it's worth... I'm sorry we couldn't give you more time." The first voice said again, the sound echoing in the silence.

 

Kurapika shook his head at the memory, wishing it wouldn't keep coming back to him. What did it matter if he thought of it now...?? All it did was bring more pain. Leorio was keeping an eye on Killua for him, and he sent him regular updates, but the memory, and even the updates tended to make him ache. He wanted to return. He never wanted to leave Killua... and why of all things couldn't he tell Killua that he _wasn't_ actually dead? He didn't need to be reminded of the reasons, but that didn't make it any easier to deal with. 

_Never let it show_   
_The pain I've grown to know_   
_'Cause with all these things we do_   
_It don't matter when I'm coming home to you_

Kurapika’s eyes closed for a moment, considering everything and trying to make it possibly a bit easier to deal with by putting it as much to the side as he could. Before he could really get his thoughts in order, a voice broke through the memories. “Hey! Vinc!” He turned his attention to the male who had called his assumed name. That’s right, he couldn’t afford to be distracted now. He was in the middle of enemy territory, gathering information. This boy was just one of the lower on the ring, but he seemed well connected with the boss. Kurapika suspected there might have been some family relations there. He smiled, though only someone close would be able to tell it was fake. “Coming.” He responded. It seemed there was something they needed to do as a group. The more he did, the more attention he’d get. The Kurta was wanting to get this job completed as soon as possible.

  
His eyes darkened for just a moment before calming again, returning back to the task at hand. He thought of Killua again for a moment before giving a small shake of his head. _‘I’ll return soon Killua… I promise. Wait for me… Though…. I just hope what we have hasn’t changed. I guess.. After all these things I’ve done.. It doesn’t matter when I’m coming home does it…?’_ Another pang of pain in his chest that didn’t reach his eyes or his smile as he kept on the facade. Perhaps he was good at that… too good… but that was why he’d been chosen for this mission right?

  
_I reach towards the sky I've said my goodbyes_   
_My heart's always with you now_   
_I won't question why so many have died_   
_My prayers have made it through yeah_   
_'Cause with all these things we do_   
_It don't matter when I'm coming home to you_

He’d been out and away from everyone for a couple of months now. A couple of months in which Killua had been forced to believe that he was dead… that everyone except for Leorio and the rest of the Zodiac believed he was dead. Currently he was resting, having recently finished another ‘mission’ to get closer to the leaders of this damned place. He had to appear loyal… but he just wanted to track them down. He realized that he was already starting to get impatient with this mission, and had to take a deep breath to calm himself, his rage. That simple task had gotten harder without Killua around, he hadn’t realized before now how much Killua had assisted him with that.

  
His hand lifted up to the sky before he even realized what he was doing, stretching his fingers so that he could see the moonlight through them. His mind wandered a bit again to the day that he’d ‘died’ whether he wished to or not. He remembered the look on Leorio’s face as the blonde made sure to have his promise that he’d look after Killua and the others. They’d both known it would hit Killua harder, just as they’d both known that Gon and Alluka would be there to help too. His eyes grew dull for a moment as he just let his heart seem to fly through the night air. He hoped that Killua would feel it… would _know_ that he’d always loved him, always would. His heart was with Killua more than it ever had been before, perhaps that was why he was able to do what he was doing without much remorse. His hand clenched up in the air, Kurapika just gazing silently at it for the time being before finally, slowly, lowering his outstretched hand to rest at his side again. 

  
_Letters keep me warm_   
_Helped me through the storm_   
_But with all that we've been through_   
_After all this time I'm coming home to you_

Another month had passed. About 3 months without any contact from anyone but Leorio on the outside. Leorio had made a point of making sure that he called at least once a week, but usually it was once a day. He might have lost it by now if the male hadn’t done that, and Kurapika would always be grateful. He was getting frequent updates on Killua as well, hearing him go through the grieving process all but broke Kurapika at times too. He’d heard about the suicide attempts, as Leorio had tried to gloss over them saying that Gon was keeping an eye on things and wouldn’t let it happen. It still left a lump in the blonde’s throat however as he had to close his eyes when it happened.

  
Even with Leorio’s updates however, his heart ached. 3 months without any contact from Killua… when it had already been so long since they’d been able to spend much time together. Why couldn’t it have waited one more night!? He grew angry again, his eyes turning red and only not blowing his cover thanks to his contacts that he’d put in. He might have done something rather drastic at this point in his anger, had he not noticed something in the sky. That was odd… he hadn’t seen many birds in this area. Sure they were there of course, but they didn’t normally fly above when he was lying here. Or maybe he just hadn't noticed them before. That was highly possible too he admitted thoughtfully before pushing it aside when the bird started to circle the area.

  
The blonde sat up after a moment as he realized that the bird, in it’s lazy circling, seemed to be getting closer. The closer it got, the better look Kurapika got of it, and it didn’t take much longer to realize it was a hawk. What was a hawk doing around here..? After a few more minutes of watching it let out a cry before suddenly seeming to dive down as if seeing it’s prey. His eyes widened as Kurapika clued in that the bird was aiming for him, causing Kurapika to bring his arm up to protect his face automatically. Another cry from the bird, this one seeming a bit quieter, before there was a weight on the blonde’s upheld arm. Glancing up, Kurapika blinked again as the bird tilted its head before glancing down as if to say ‘well?’ Following the bird’s gaze, Kurapika saw the object tied to its leg. A messenger hawk..? Obviously the message was for him since they were well trained to give it only to its recipient. Taking the rolled up paper out Kurapika found himself carefully petting the bird on the head for a moment before it took off with another screech.

  
Almost cautiously, Kurapika looked at the paper that simply had ‘To K’ written on the front. There were at least 4 different pages. The first one was from Leorio. It simply said ‘I managed to convince him, I hope these will help.’ Curious, Kurapika turned to the other pages and opened them. They almost fell from his hands minutes later as he realized what they were. Shaking as he read, he felt his heart warm. Letters… from Killua. Of course, it was very obviously written with a shaky hand, and there were tear-stains here and there. Killua wrote these thinking they were to someone dead still. It looked like Leorio convinced him to write letters of his regrets, things that he wished he could say to him. The love that was obviously there warmed the blonde, actually even drawing a couple of tears from him as he held them close. Killua still thought of him… that just encouraged Kurapika to do his best to end this even faster. He had to get back to the boy.. To his love. Killua needed him just as much as he needed Killua after all.

  
_I reach towards the sky I've said my goodbyes_  
 _My heart's always with you now_  
 _I won't question why so many have died_  
 _My prayers have made it through yeah_  
 _'Cause with all these things we do_  
 _It don't matter when I'm coming home to you_

A couple weeks passed since the letters he’d received and tucked safely away into his personal belongings. This group was good about keeping to themselves at least. Currently however he was just gazing out at the carnage. The death that he had caused. His eyes were cold and cruel, almost dull as he stood there, covered in the blood of the victims before him. Of course, the boy that had been at his side watching over him was horrified. He was freaking out as if he’d never seen such a scene. Was this his first time seeing death..? Being a part of it…? Kurapika just gazed over for a moment, but he couldn’t bring himself to care enough to bother and try to ease the boy’s panic. At least for now.

  
Someone else came to take over the job from him as another pat him on the back for doing an ‘awesome’ job. Kurapika tuned it all out. He only acknowledged enough to know that the boss was pleased… and if the boss was pleased Kurapika might finally be getting somewhere, might be getting to the point of meeting him and finishing this job once and for all. _‘Soon Killua… I can feel it. Soon. Maybe a couple more months.. Please hang on a little longer. Just give me more time… I’ll kill as many as I need to if it means returning to you sooner.’_ His eyes closed as he thought this before moving away to wash himself off of the blood. The smell was almost sickening without having Killua around to enjoy the sight.

  
_I've always been true_  
 _I've waited so long just to come hold you_  
 _I'm making it through_  
 _It's been far too long, we've proven our_  
 _Love over time's so strong, in all that we do_  
 _The stars in the night, they lend me their light_  
 _To bring me closer to heaven with you_

4 months. He was finally getting close. Finally the boss trusted him. He’d even invited him to some drinking parties, though it seemed he didn’t trust Kurapika enough yet to be around him fully drunk. That would be when Kurapika would strike, he knew it for sure. People were looser lipped when they were drunk after all, and less cautious afterwards when they didn't remember what they’d said. He gazed up at the night sky again, thinking of the time he’d spent away. It was frustrating, but even when people had approached him.. The idea disgusted him. He wouldn’t betray Killua, just as he knew from Leorio’s reports that Killua had been just as faithful. His eyes closed, feeling the rush of wind blow through his hair. He could almost feel Killua’s touch on the wind… almost. It was nothing compared to the real thing, and Kurapika’s heart ached again. Killua… how hard must this be for the boy not knowing he was alive..? Kurapika hurt so much being away from Killua knowing it was just temporary… he didn’t know what to do.

  
Another deep breath as Kurapika stood in the night air, his eyes opening again to gaze up at the bright stars in the sky. The same stars that maybe Killua was looking up at now. A swallow now as he felt the urge to just run, to leave this all now and go pull Killua close. He couldn’t however, it would make the time they’d been apart a waste, and Kurapika would never be able to forgive himself. Gazing up at the stars now, the brightness reminded him of Killua so much, that it was almost like Killua was right there with him, and closing his eyes again he could almost pretend that his love was beside him. He could almost pretend that they were side by side, not so far apart that it hurt to think about. That was enough for now… especially being able to taste how close he was to seeing the male again.

_(Bring me closer)_

Kurapika just barely held back his disgust as he put on a smile. The boss was all but manhandling him, laughing in a drunken stupor. The clothes were still on, and Kurapika would never let that change. However the blonde’s eyes grew determined. This was it. This was the moment he was waiting for. _‘Go ahead.. Bring me a bit closer. Get a little drunker. That’s when I’ll strike…. It just means that I can finally get closer to going home.. To Killua.’_ A couple more drinks. Kurapika happily served him, waiting for the right moment to slip in the right couple of words. This man would soon be singing like a canary, then Kurapika could leave.. Disappear and never return to this vile place.

  
_But with all that we've been through_  
 _After all this time I'm coming home to you_

5 months. It had been 5 months since his ‘death’ but he’d done it. He finally had the information, and the drunk pig was out cold on the table. Kurapika’s eyes narrowed as he adjusted his suit from when the man had grabbed onto it. Disgusting. He wouldn’t remember it in the morning, and by the time he realized Kurapika would be long gone. Leaving the building and getting out of there he pulled out the recorder that had the information, playing it back to be sure as his grin widened. Finally. It was done. He pulled out his phone as he placed the recording device in a safe place, calling the Zodiac office to tell of the completed task before soon calling Leorio as well. He was coming home. Leorio seemed more pleased than he had ever been over the phone, and Kurapika couldn’t deny it was contagious. He confirmed he’d be home soon, and only after he’d hung up did he go and grab what he needed of his stuff. Except for their memories of him, it would be as if he’d never been there. Kurapika would be sure of it. _‘I’m coming home Killua… not much longer now I promise.’_ If only his thoughts could reach through the sky to the one he was thinking of.

  
He was quickly on his way out, planning on heading straight to the Zodiac’s office the moment the flight landed so he could deliver the information and be gone. He wouldn’t even give them the chance to give a greeting, or to possibly send him out on another mission. He wouldn’t allow it. He needed to see Killua, and now.

  
_I reach towards the sky I've said my goodbyes_  
 _My heart's always with you now_  
 _I won't question why so many have died_  
 _My prayers have made it through yeah_  
 _'Cause with all these things we do_  
 _It don't matter when I'm coming home to you_

A 4 hour flight, and he was back home again. Home. He didn’t think that word would hold such weight, but it seemed to have lifted the moment he saw familiar settings again. He looked up to the sky for a moment, his heart flying up in joy as he gladly said goodbye to the name that he no longer had to listen to. Honestly… the fact that no-one had made the connection amazed him now. He’d even told them that Vinc was short for Vincula by mistake… Chains in latin. Not that creative really, but no-one had made the connection to who he really was. In part due to his disguise he was sure but the hawk had recognized him, so what was wrong with the others he supposed. He let out a sound of disbelief before moving along. A dull sound as the recorder was placed on the desk, and Kurapika was turning around before they could even congratulate him on a job well done. He didn’t have the time for it.

  
He made his way towards home, walking in and blinking in confusion when he realized that.. No-one was here. What was going on…? It took the blonde a moment to recall that Leorio told him that they might have plans today, so to call him. He’d have his phone on for once, something that normally would have upset Kurapika, but now he was rather grateful for. A quick phone call, and he knew where he was going. A picnic. What a perfect way to spend this beautiful day. It wasn’t long until he was there. He realized that he didn’t even question the deaths anymore… after all what was the point, when he was coming home to Killua..?

  
Leorio was there, a bright grin on his face as he met him part way. “Welcome home Kurapika.” A pleasant smile from the blonde. “It’s good to be home. Is Killua…?”

  
“Better, I promise you that. I think he’s just barely beginning to accept it, but he’s still hurting a bit. He misses you, but I can’t blame him for that. Gon and Alluka are still with him.”

  
“... Then why are we still standing here..?” A laugh from Leorio was his only answer as the two of them began to walk toward where they usually ate their picnics.

  
Seeing them all sitting there, his heart felt lighter than it had in a long time. Killua was in his usual spot as well, a sight that warmed his heart. He saw Gon and Alluka tense, looking surprised as he entered the meadow around them. He didn’t need to even look, but he glanced around for a moment to take in the beauty of the nature around them, a couple trees here and there surrounding a great big field of grass and flowers. A stream sat beside them, babbling merrily. It might have seemed mocking to anyone in mourning… perhaps it was best that Kurapika fix that now. Leorio had gestured for the two of them to be quiet, and Kurapika saw the smiles on their faces as the two of them glanced at Killua for a moment before turning back to the blonde.

  
_And with all that we've been through_  
 _After all this time I'm coming home to you_

"... Hello Killua. I've missed you." The blonde watched as the shoulders of the male before him tensed in surprise. He’d been looking at something on his wrist, though Kurapika wasn’t paying attention to that at the current moment. It didn’t matter, all that mattered was the male before him. His lover. He watched as the male’s head shot up, blue eyes meeting brown. 

  
"... Kurapika...." Said blonde saw the tears in Killua’s eyes, and he gave him a small smile. He hoped it would be comforting. He hoped it would be enough to prove that he was truly here. It seemed to work as the tears flowed steadier.

  
Within moments Killua had jumped up, out of Gon and Alluka’s arms, and rushing to Kurapika. The blonde could understand Killua’s need to be held… Kurapika had been feeling it himself. He braced himself as Killua flew into his arms, Kurapika holding the white-haired male close to him tight. He never wanted to let go, rubbing Killua’s back ever so gently as he felt the tears soaking through his outfit. “... I’ve missed you…” He heard even though it was muffled by his shirt. Kurapika was about to speak, when Killua pulled away slightly, the look in his eyes stopping anything that Kurapika may have said. “...I… love you Kurapika. Don’t leave me again if you can help it…. Baka…” It was soft, but the tone caused Kurapika’s smile to grow a bit.

  
“Of course Killua.. I’m so-” It was all he managed to get out before Killua’s lips were pressed forcefully against his own. There was fear in the kiss… fear, relief, passion, and so many other emotions that Kurapika was having a hard time deciphering. He gave up figuring it out, instead deciding to return the kiss to the trembling male in his arms.

  
He felt Killua’s arms around his neck after not long, felt the strange material around the white-haired male’s wrist against his neck but didn’t even consider investigating until they’d pulled away and Kurapika had seen the calm expression in Killua’s eyes. Only then did he chance glancing back and blinking when he saw the tie. “... Of course.. You found it then…?” Killua’s expression turned into a smirk.

  
“Told you I would one day.”

  
“... Well you’ve proven yourself once again.”

  
“... So long as I don’t have to prove myself strong enough to be without you again..”

  
“Of course not. Next time I don’t care what they say… you’ll know. I swear it.” Kurapika was rewarded with a smile and another kiss. He thought he might have heard relieved sighs in the background, but that was to investigate later. Right now, all that mattered was his lover, and he was going to be sure that Killua understood that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's it for this group of songfics. I hopefully plan to write more fics in general for these two. There's really not enough after all. 
> 
> I may consider writing an actual story for the two of them, perhaps base off of the writings between me and my rp partner. Some of the references in these were based off of previous rps with them as well since the fics were requested by them so I apologize if those references were difficult to understand at times. 
> 
> If you have an idea or request for a songfic feel free to suggest it to me! Mainly my pairings of choice would be Killua and Kurapika or Killua and Gon. I have no promises when or if I'll write it if it's suggested but I'm open to ideas! I hope you all enjoyed this little two-shot songfic story!


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